Friday, June 19, 2009

Mulling things over...

I know I said that I would post after I saw the behaviorist, but I needed to mull things over a bit. The session was not what I expected at all. I still am not sure that I really know how to best convey what I got out of the session, or if I really understand all of what I got out of it yet.

I thought that she would just be giving me some techniques to use to redirect or change eating habits that are bad. Instead, her focus was on the thinking behind the behaviors. Why do I give myself permission, or feel that I have to do ______?

She helped me to see that I have some rules that I live by, that I didn't recognize. Such as, I must clean my plate, and don't waste food. I get appalled by seeing food being thrown away. I have rewritten some of those rules for myself. Now, I must leave at least a bite of food on my plate.

For me what seems to be the most affecting me is the negative, restrictive words that I use or think, and then rebel against, especially "I can't have" or "I'm not allowed". If I am not allowed to have something, then I want it more. When she asked me to change it to "I choose to or not to, because..." I realized how much more empowering that statement felt. "I choose to have an apple instead of cake, because I want to reach my goals." That it is my choice and it really always has been.

She asked me to try to recognize negative thought patterns in the coming month before our next session. I think that I am seeing a pattern of self sabotage, because I have some anxiety about the unknown future. I am not happy about my current state, but I am afraid of what all the changes will result in. Sort of, better the devil you know scenario.

I am a work in progress and I will keep trying to sort this all out for myself. As always, your wonderfully supportive comments have been appreciated. I hope you will feel free to ask questions if you have any.


Ida said...

A very interesting post. As an author/editor, I have been made very aware of language. I think the behaviorist is right. Word choice can send us off in the wrong direction. I've done a lot of work with books about people with special needs. For example, one of the things we try to do is not refer to someone as handicapped. That tends to make the person synonymous with whatever challenge he or she has. Instead, the person has a handicap. This makes the challenge just one part of the person. For many, that might seem as though we're nitpicking, but it does make a difference.

catspaw said...

That's amazingly helpful. I'm going to try to apply that myself.