Thursday, November 26, 2009

I Hope Everyone Had A Happy Thanksgiving

Should I go? I went. I didn't cry. It wasn't easy.

This morning, I was vacillating about going to my mother's home for Thanksgiving dinner, because I was feeling very unsure about my ability to watch everyone else eat it when I still can't have any of it. I decided that I was going to be depressed either way. If I go, I can't eat the meal and if I stay home, I would miss my family plus I would have the added guilt of Ray eating a Lean Cuisine for Thanksgiving dinner.

So, I grabbed a light yogurt from the fridge and went to mom's. I didn't sit at the table with all the food and family. I sat off to the side a bit with my yogurt. I dipped the tip of the spoon into the yogurt so that only a little would get on the spoon and tasted it. Good, but not what I wanted. I took one more tiny taste and thought, my pouch feels funny. I read the nutrition panel and this isn't light yogurt! 25 grams of sugar! I can't eat it.

Now, I was at a sumptuous feast and couldn't eat anything at all. Nada. I wanted to cry. I kept biting the inside of my lip. Once the meal was over and the kids ran off to play, I moved back up to the cleared tables to talk with everyone. I started to feel better. It didn't even bother me when a little later they started to pass out slices of pie. It was the dinner that was really my thing.

I am glad I went. I need the time with my family probably more than they do with me. I kept reminding myself that this will be the only Thanksgiving that will be like this and that is only because my surgery was so recent. Next year I will be able to eat reasonable choices of small amounts of what is always a wonderful meal.

Also, I learned a lesson about preparing better. It was my fault that I didn't check the yogurt label. I need to be more prepared for Christmas, because I don't know how far along I will be in this journey at that time. I will make sure that no matter what is served, I have brought something that I know that I can eat.


Unknown said...

Sorry you couldn't enjoy dinner. Glad you got to visit with your family.

kulloo said...

I'm glad you went,that's what Thanksgiving's all about,the meal is secondary.It's tough I know, to avoid all that you once DID eat. I'm obese and am trying to lose weight. I'm trying to eat more slowly,wait 20 minutes before even thinking about having seconds(it works), I try to remember to drink a glass of water before eating and putting the food on smaller plates to trick my mind into thinking I'm eating more. Whatever I can to lose weight,whatever works. Michelle and I continue to support you in your recovery and realize that it isn't easy to stay away from the old habits. Continued good luck with your journey,we love and miss you too. Take care,love you and Ray,dad and mom Gillo.